Yesterday was Valentine’s day, or as men like to call it, extortion day. Valentine’s day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is. I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day anyways. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. In truth, without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.

I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day. So I tied my girlfriend up, and for three hours I slept soundly. You should try it, I do 100% recommend. I never needed a valentine. What I do need is a million dollars, and a fast metabolism. If love is answer, could you rephrase the question? Because love is a two way street constantly under construction. In the end though, I really want to…