What the tooth-job is happening, all my fellow grin-and-bear-it mofos who’ve sat there with clenched jaws and frozen smiles as your wiener gets ground into a raw, hamburger-like shadow of its former sel—

BE GRATEFUL, FOOLS!  Suck that tear back up into your right eyeball and fake some moans of ecstasy!  You should feel privileged that someone enjoys you enough to put your sea-creature-like appendage into their delicate suck-hole!  Jeez!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me…